Let’s face it, life is always embarrassing. And sometimes, you get caught in your embarrassing moments. Those moments; the ones where you lock eyes with the person that witnessed the unspeakable, and sit there, frozen, as your self-esteem slowly slips away from your body. The moments that you want to die with you. Yep, those are “the moments.”
Now, I think of myself as a pretty embarrassing human being. I truly do (and say) probably way too many humiliating things in one day. The only difference is, I don’t understand the feeling of humility and embarrassment. I think there is something special in feeling vulnerable and exposed. I didn’t always feel this way. I used to be so afraid of being judged and hated by everyone around me. Then it hit me; I DON’T CARE. Not only do I not care, I want people to laugh at these moments. They are funny. Why wouldn’t I want to be the reason someone gets their eye-watering-stomach-cramping laugh of the day? In hopes of getting you to hop on the train of not caring, I will share some of (what should be) my most embarrassing moments.
+ Pulling Myself Over
So, a week after I got my license, I took a water park trip (which was about a two hour drive) with my friend who was, at the time, unlicensed. We made it in one piece, spent the day trying not to die of heat stroke and, eventually, attempted going back home. Let me emphasize ATTEMPTED. We got on the wrong highway, couldn’t figure out which direction was which and, for some reason, couldn’t follow the map on our phones. This time of anger and desperation is all a blur to me now. In order to revamp our feelings, we tried to stop at the mall. Did we make it to the mall? No, we made it to city hall; flooded with cops and all. I freaked out, made what I thought was an illegal turn, made eye contact with a cop and immediately surrendered. I literally pulled over and waited for the cop to follow, but he never came. So yes, I’m a good citizen. I pulled myself over to help a brother out and make his job easier. You’re welcome.
+ My Lack of American History
Basically, I know nothing about our country’s past. I don’t know where I was during all of the classes, but nothing stuck. Enjoy this dialogue between my mom, sister and I a few days before I left for Portland. It’s pretty self explanatory.
Me: “Is Salem (Oregon) cool?”
Mom: “No Kylee, there is literally nothing to do there.”
Me: “Wait, what about like with the witches and stuff!?”
Tay: “Kylee…That’s Salem, Massachusetts. That happened when there were only 13 colonies…Oregon didn’t even exist yet.”
Me: “So, the Oregon Trail; was that in Massachusetts, too?!” ***Realizes the stupidity of that statement.***
Tay: “No, Kylee, the Oregon Trail was with Lewis & Clark.”
Me: “NO, they discovered America!”
Tay: “…..That was Columbus…Wait, so this whole time you thought that Hocus Pocus took place in Oregon?”
Me: ***Walks shamefully out of the room.***
+ The Tooth Trials
If you don’t know yet, half of my front tooth is fake. On multiple occasions, it has broken off and left me looking like a hillbilly. Is it unattractive? Yes. Do I care? No. In fact, I use these moments for photo opportunities. My wisdom tooth extraction also set me up for failure (or success?). I incoherently videoed myself from the moment I got in the car until the drugs wore off. I don’t have single regret, despite the constant double chin angle and ugly crying face. I still watch them when I need a good laugh.
+ This Photo
I have no story for this. No memory of why this picture happened; but it did. It exists, and for that, I am thankful. It is and always will be my favorite photo of myself.
So, the moral of the story is, don’t waste time on worrying about what other people will think. The word “embarrassing” can be transformed into a positive and laughable term if we all live life without fear of humiliation.
– Naturally inspired. Locally aware. Universally beautiful. With love, Kylee.